Cranky

I’ve been rather cranky this week. See, I work in an office in a large organisation. I deal with general office stuff, such as recruitment, finances, liaising with systems and IT, etc., the usual stuff really. But it’s bloody annoying because everything is outsourced which means it is impossible to get anything done quickly – or at all. I swear I need to top up my hair colour more often these days – I can hardly keep up concealing the greys anymore.

Anyhoo, the reason I was cranky all week was because it feels as if I’ve done nothing but rearrange meetings and try to arrange new meetings at short notice. For 6, 8, 10 people – all with a much better plan than me so fairly high up in the pecking order. Try and find a one hour slot that suits them all. I was surprisingly busy doing this nonsense, but when it came to explaining what I had done all day, it left me speechless. I did nothing but arrange and rearrange meetings. All day. Finding rooms. Organising video conferences. Organising telephone conferences. Cancelling everything because one of the head honchos then became unavailable. Organising everything again for another day.  

What sort of a job is that?! See, I don’t feel the need to make a big difference in the world. Or even just in my little neighbourhood. But I want to be able to smile after work, saying: “Look, this is what I’ve done. And I had fun doing it. I enjoyed myself.” I want to feel tired from a good day’s work, and not because I’ve been sitting down so much that my muscles have dwindled to nothing and I can’t even climb down the stairs.

Don’t get me wrong – I think I’ve still got it good compared to a lot of people. At least I work with a really nice team, my managers are great, there is a lot of laughter and banter. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling really quite deflated for most of the week. Surely there must be more to life than simply waiting for the weekend. There must be more to life than feeling so exhausted from doing useless nonsense that I can’t even be bothered to go for a run or a nice workout after work. There must be more to life than being stuck inside for 8 hours a day.

This article popped up on Facebook the other day and its headline caught my attention. It said:” I want to look forward.” I didn’t actually read the article (mainly because it took more than 3 seconds to upload) but that sentence stuck with me. It sometimes can be quite hard to look past the very day routine and stay enthusiastic.

I don’t hate going to work. But my heart does often sink slightly when I approach the building. My heart sinks when I get another email from a colleague saying they’re still waiting to receive documents HR (outsourced) confirmed they would email 2 days ago. My heart sinks when Finance (outsourced) clearly haven’t bothered to read my email and reply with rubbish advice that makes no sense and doesn’t solve the problem. My heart sinks when IT (outsourced) tell me to use the web portal when I’ve just explained that there is no suitable drop down option for me to use on the web portal, which was the reason of my email in the first place. My heart sinks when forms get returned because I used form version 3.1 and not the latest version 3.1a.

That’s quite a lot of sunken hearts in a day.

I want to look forward.

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